The starting line.

If I were to choose a theme for the last several years, it would be upheaval. There was a time in my life that I wanted nothing more than change. Than to have some variety. I’ve certainly gotten what I wished for, and I can’t say that it’s at all what I was expecting.

In the last several weeks, I’ve experienced heartbreak. Found all new medical providers. Been accepted to graduate programs. Had interviews with east coast non-profits. Taken medical leave from work. Re-evaluated my entire life. I am only at the beginning. This is just the starting line. As I told a friend today, I am interested in the self-actualized ErinBird. Interested in finding what happens when I open myself up and bleed out all the negative energy that has held me back for so long. Instead of working through heartbreak and lost love, I’m holding on to it with both hands, interested in experiencing all of this pain and sadness, because it’s just as real and important as the joy and heart-swell; the love and excitement. I’m listening to my doctors. I’m ignoring my instincts. I’m only sure that I don’t know the answers anymore, and maybe never did.

The starting line. There is no end in sight. I have no idea what the finish looks like, or if there is one. But I’m on my way to finding out, one small step at a time.